The good, The bad, and The ugly

Well, it's definitely been a while. I should've updated every week, but I didn't ... and I really have no excuse other than the fact that I have completely and utterly fallen off the wagon. Hard. I've been eating SO shitty, that I literally feel sick. Why have I been doing this? Because I'm stressed. There's a million things happening, some good some bad, and I've been stuffing my face in order to cope with it. The perks of being an emotional eater, I guess. I can't even tell you how much weight I've gained because I'm terrified to step on the scale.

I'm in the midst of trying to quit smoking. I thought eating healthy and exercising was hard ... but NOTHING compares to trying to stop smoking. It's sad that it's so addicting, and has so much power over someones life. The good news is that I've managed to cut down from a pack per day to half a pack. Everyday I try and have one less cigarette, but it's hard. Eating and smoking are how I deal with stress amd other emotions. I need another outlet tode-stress, and I've decided that exercise is it. I haven't exercised in God knows how long, but I'm going back to it. I may have fallen pretty fast and hard off the wagon, but I'm getting back on. 

I've also decided to stick to weighing myself once a month. I've become obsessed with my scale - some weeks weighing myself multiple times a day. But what good is that? It's definitely not motivating. 

So, as of this morning I have jumped back onto the wagon. I'm going to take it slow, day-by-day. I'll suck it up, and weigh myself today so I know where I'm at and where I need/want to be. I'm hoping to be officially done smoking by January 1st. It'll be a hell of a lot easier to exercise when I'm not out of breath and wheezing the entire time. I have a huge dispenser that I'm using for water. I've filled it up, dumped 3 trays of ice cubes into it, and added 3 lemons. Another goal is to try and up my water intake every week, and I know this will help. (I'll have to take a picture of it to show you) 

So, all-in-all, it's been a shitty few weeks. But I'm slowly getting back on track. I'm not completely giving up, not after how far I've come in the last few years. I'm focusing on a few goals, instead of so many that it overwhelms me. I'll keep updating the blog once a week. :) 

Happy Monday, don't give up.

Caitie -xo-

Week 3 -Slowly but Surely

Happy #weighinsunday!

This week was fairly good! I had some cheat times and didn't exercise every day, but I'm down 5lbs!! So I'm now at 251.8lbs! I have passed my pre-baby weight - what a Phat Chick Fist Pump moment!!! My next goal is to get down to 230lbs, which is what I weighed in grade 11 - 10 years ago!  When I reach that goal, i'm going shopping. I already have clothes that are too big for me, but i'm cheap lol so I'm waiting until I get to that milestone to treat myself!

I came to the realization today that I most likely will not hit my 100lb loss by my goal date. And no, this does not mean i'm giving up. I'd rather be realistic now, than be disappointed in myself if I don't hit my goal. I'm still going to do everything I can to reach it, but I'm finally in the right frame of mind: if I don't get there by my goal, it doesn't mean I've failed. I've already come a LONG way, and by the time February 21st comes around, I'll be even healthier and in better shape than I am now.

So, this weeks' goals:

• keep track of EVERYTHING i put in my mouth. I've downloaded the MyFitness Pal app, and I'm planning on using it religiously this week (I haven't really utilized it yet) 
• lose 2-3"
• lose at least 3lbs
• exercise! (do Jillian Michaels dvds at least three times, go for walks, and use the Nike Training Club app
• stay positive! I've been pretty good up to this point, and I know that my positivity is what keeps me going! some days it's hard (especially lately when i'm running on no sleep) 

I think next month I'm going to invest in a gym membership also. I have a few friends who have them, and I think having a workout buddy will keep me on track with my exeecising! 

That's all for now, folks. See ya on the flipside (well, next sunday anyway!)

Stay positive, keep going, and never forget that I believe in YOU.

Caitie

xo

Week 2 Done & Gone

#WeighInSunday

Well, week 2 is done. The results? I have lost 3lbs! I'm down to 256.4! I'm slightly disappointed that I didnt hit the 7lb weightloss that I needed, but at the same time, I've lost 9lbs in 2 weeks and I'm damn proud of that!

I've also decided that I would keep track of my inch loss as well and post the results every other week! In 2 weeks I've lost 4"!

This week I had some serious cheat days, including alcohol, fast food, and cake! It's been a while since I've eaten greasy nasty shit and I feel gross and have mega cramps. Let me tell you, cheating is not worth it when it makes you feel like this!

This week I had 2 three-tiered cakes to do - one for my sons baptism, and one for a combined surprise party for my grandma and step mom. My entire week was focused on baking and decorating - So I pushed aside the healthy eating and exercising, which I shouldnt have done. I've also said it before, I'm an emotional eater. When I'm stressed, I eat.

Besides that, I really do feel great. The positive comments, love and support have been incredible! Everyone makes me feel like I can accomplish my goal, and that I've done a great job thus far!

My goals for this week: exercise everyday no matter how tired I am, not cheat, drink lots of water, and drop at least 6lbs! I know its possible and that I can do it. I just need to stay focused on my goal, and remember all the reasons why this is the best thing I can do for myself!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and experience this journey with ne! Next week I will make sure I post my three week progress pictures!

Happy Sunday! Stay fabulous!

-xo-
Caitie

Week 1 Done - Feeling Good

So, as promised, I'm going to do weekly blog updates to track my progress for the next 15 weeks!

Week 1 was great! Started out not-so-great, though, when I saw the number on the scale. I gained some weight - I weighed 265.6 on Monday morning. The good thing is, I can lose it! The bad thing? I need to lose around 7lbs per week to reach my goal. Oh, Joy! But it's possible as long as I keep focused. 

Today is Weigh-in Sunday and I'm at ...... 259.4 !!!

I lost 6lbs this week! I'm so excited to be in the 250's again. 

My next goal is to reach 254lbs which is pre-babies weight! Talk about a Phat Chick Fist Pump!

This week was hard, but good. I tried some new foods, such as Tofurkey. If you know me, you know I LOVE meat. Love. But I know that I need to branch out and try new, healthier foods in order to get/stay healthy. I was actually extremely impressed with Tofurkey. I only ever eat chicken or turkey on sandwiches/wraps, and its definitely a great alternative to meat. And the best part? It tastes exactly like turkey! The texture was weird, but I got used to it pretty quickly. 

I also have a new obsession: Liquid Nutrition!

If you've never heard of it, check out their website. Delicious shakes with food combinations that you would never think to try! Peanut butter and kale? Beets and strawberries? But they are honestly theeeee best drinks around. And perfect for on-the-go if you dont have time to make a meal.

Exercises. I've done a lot of different ones this week. Everyday I do squats, crunches, lunges, jumping jacks, push-ups, planks, and wall-sits. I've also been doing Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 DVD, as well as some seriously sweat-inducing workouts from the Nike Training Club app! (if you can, download it. i love it!) 

So, I'm sure there's a burning question in the back of your minds ... Did I cheat this week? Yes. Yes, I did. My cheat day was Friday. We went out for dinner, and I was all ready to choose something healthy. I opened up the menu, and BAM. There was absolutely nothing healthy on the menu that I would eat. Ugh. This is why I constantly try to try new foods. Anyway, I ended up having a bacon cheeseburger and fries ... and to top it off, that night I had 4 rum and cokes! (I have relatives visiting from Ireland, so obviously we went out to the pub). 

This week (and in the weeks that follow) I've decided to give myself a cheat snack, once per week! (I chose Sunday nights as I love to curl up on the couch and watch Once Upon a Time!) 

I'm also going to increase my water intake, and try a few different foods! 

All-in-all, it was a good week. Even though I had a MEGA cheat day, I got back on track and rocked this week with a 6lb weightloss!

Stay tuned for weekly posts, and of i'm feeling up to it, I'll post yummy recipes!

Happy weigh-in Sunday! Stay fabulous! 

Caitie

-xo-

The Goal Is Approaching

February 21, 2014 is exactly 15 weeks and 5 days from today.It's also the date that I chose to lose 100lbs by. I have 70lbs to lose to get there, which is roughly 4.66lbs per week. Sounds insane, right? I know. It's terrifying. That's a lot of weight to lose. But there is no way in hell I won't achieve the goal I set for myself.

So, how am i going to lose almost 5lbs every week? A lot of hard work and a very detailed schedule (food/drink, exercise). I've taken the time to write out EVERYTHING - when i'm going to eat each meal, what I'm eating, snacks, when i'm exercising and what exercises I'm doing, how many km I'm going to walk each week, etc. I'm going to be strict with my "cheat days". I'm going to make sure I succeed, not just for myself, but for my children as well. And I'm going to make sure I look in the mirror everyday and tell myself I AM BEAUTIFUL, and be proud of everything I have already accomplished.

I've come so far, I can't stop now.

Since it's such a big goal, I'm going to update the blog every week on my "weigh-in" day. I'llexplain the exercises I've done, the meals/snacks I've prepared, updated pictures, and my goals for the following week.

I want you to know every bit of my journey. I want you to know that it's not easy. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. I want you to know that it IS possible, and if I can do it in a year, so can you. I want you to know that I'm here for YOU, that I believe in you, and I know you can also do it.

Until next Sunday ... keep smiling!

Caitie
-xo-

Sunday Funday

Hey Phat Chick fans!

I had a crazy busy weekend! 4 cakes & 138 cupcakes, plus I went out on the town with some awesome friends for a few bevvy's! It was a wicked time, but i'm happy the hangover has finally disappeared.

I don't normally go out to the bars, mainly because they make me feel old. I swear everyone that's out nowadays is under age. Plus, the way most of the girls dress is awful. C'mon ladies, a little self-respect goes a long way! No one needs to see your crotch or your nipples, fyi.

But for the first time in a LONG time, I felt wicked. Eating healthy & exercising has given me an unreal amount of confidence! Plus, I've lost 5lbs! Woohoo! Anytime I ever went out to the bar, I was always so self-concious. I wondered if people were judging my outfit, hair, make-up or my size, ans I never ended up having a good time. But last night I rocked it. I was confident, I smiled, I danced, I felt beautiful! It's amazing how good you feel when you change your lifestyle. When you not only see results, but FEEL them as well, your entire attitude takes a 360° spin.

The weight & inches are coming off slowly, and I like it. I used to be obsessed with needing to lose weight fast and I always failed on those fad diets. But right now, I'm happy. I'm comfortable. I'm getting my self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth back. I've lost almost 30lbs since I gave birth to my son, and honestly, I feel fucking fantastic! Seeing the numbers go down on the scale, and especially feeling my clothes getting looser, has given me so much motivation and willpower to keep going. Seeing the looks on my babies faces everyday remind me why I'm doing what I'm doing, and why I can't quit. They are my reason for everything, they're the reason I breathe.

This coming weekend I'm getting pictures of my beautiful little family taken! And I can't wait, which definitely speaks volumes as I HATE having full-body pictures done. But the

same photographer is taking pictures of me once I lose my 100lbs, and I can't wait to be able to see the comparison between the two shoots! (PS he's a super talented photographer, check out his fb page: www.facebook.com/jerrybelliardphotography)

So, as I said, I've lost 5lbs and only have 7 more to lose to get back to pre-baby weight!

I'm super pumped! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, follow my journey, and show your support! I love you guys!

Happy Sunday!
-xo-
Caitie

PS, can't forget about a Sunday Selfie! *muah*

Guess Who's Back?

Alright, life is busy. I've barely had time to breathe! Don't get me wrong, I love it ... but I feel bad for not updating this blog more!

I'm officially at 263.2lbs, which means i'm only 10lbs away from being back at my pre-baby weight!! This is extremely exciting, as well as motivating. 

Since I've been so busy, I've been eating like crap. Normally when I'm busy I go almost the entire day without eating, then when I realize that, I'll go through the McDonalds drive-thru quick. Fast and easy ... and so horrible for you! Plus, I always feel like shit after I eat it. So why do I keep going back? Convenience. It's there, it's ready, and I don't have to make it! But.now that I'm only 10lbs away from a sweet weight-loss milestone, I'm gonna rock it! I'll be down to that goal in two weeks with lots of water, walking and exercising! (PS, if you want amazing, kick-ass workouts, download the Nike Training Club app on your phone!) Below is the most recent picture of me that I took this weekend! I'll be taking another one in two weeks when I've lost 10lbs!

If you've been following this blog, you know that my ultimate goal is to be down a total of 100lbs by February 21, 2014 (my sonS first birthday). I'm going to kick ass and rock the weight-loss and get to that goal, and I am so excited! I've written a list of "rewards" for every ten pounds that I lose! When I lose the 100lbs, I've decided to slurge and do a photoshoog with Jerry Belliard Photography (check 'em out on facebook, ah-mazing!) I've already booked the shoot, so now I need to stay focused and shed the weight! 

I've seen a few people this past week that I haven't seen in ages. All of them commented on my weight-loss, and said I was doing a great job! It was definitely a confidence booster bevause these last few weeks have been hard, and everytime I look in the mirror it feels like I haven't changed at all! It's hard to see changes in yourself, but that doesn't mean the changes aren't happening. 

What has your weight-loss journey been like so far? What challenges have you come up against? What are your goals? Obviously my biggest goal is to lose 100lbs, but I'd also like people to compliment me ... not to boos my ego, but I'd like people to see past outside. Get to know me, and I mean REALLY take the time to get to know me. I get sick of the "You have such a pretty face" and "You have beautiful eyes" compliments. Ya, they're 

nice and I appreciate them, but what about the rest of me? I wear clothes that compliment my body, not to hide it. I have a.pretty awesome personality, if I do say so myself. But nowadays, if you're over weight, no one wants to bother to even TRY and get to know you. 

I was checking out photos on Instagram the.other.day, and there was a girl modelling a shirt from the Kardashian Kollection clothes line. One of the comments I saw said: "She's kinda fat ... I don't mean like fat fat, but she's definitely bigger then she should be." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? You're calling a.girl who.is most likely a size Zero, fat!? So now women basically have to be invisible, or at the least anorexic, or else they're considered fat. Wow! 

Fuck society. Screw all the people who think that way. Don't be a follower, be a leader. Let'schange the way society thinks. 

"The hardest thing is to be yourself, in a world that's trying day in and day out, to make you like everyone else." Frankly, I don't want to be like everyone else. That shit is boring. I want to rock the person I am. I want to love myself and ignore the assholes that think I'm disgusting for being over weight. I am who I am, and honestly, if you actually took the time to get to know me, I think you'd like me as well. 

Happy Monday! Go out, rock your body and your mind, and enjoy your day! 

I love you all!

xo

Caitie

Out With The Old

And in with the new!

These past few weeks I've been feeling pretty down. There's been so much happening all at once; moving into a new place, lots of cake orders, doctor appts, and my Mom had surgery. When you have no time to sit back, relax, and breathe, it's hard to stay positive. You become a Debbie Downer. Your "bad luck" flourishes. You're in a bad mood every day. It starts to affect people around you. 

Well that's what happened. I turned into a Negative Nancy, and I hated it!

But I'm done with the negativity. Sometimes you need a fresh start. You need to "block and delete" the people in your life that bring you down. You need to focus on the good, and only the good ... Lift your head up and continue to be awesome! 

This weight-loss journey has been hard. Hell, no one said it would be easy. Actually, there are a few people who believe that I won't do it. Who would love nothing more than to see me fail. But I won't. I've said it before; "Let your haters be your motivators." I will succeed. I will lose 100lbs by February 21st, 2014. I will rock an awesome bathing suit next summer. I will be happy, and I will never again let anyone tell me that I won't or don't deserve it. Sometimes you need an asshole to tell you that you won't do it, or don't deserve it, to truly believe that you DO! 

So, from here on out, anyone that tries to bring me down or keep me away from my goal will be chucked out of my life as far as I can throw them (which, in all honesty, won't be that far - I have zero upper body strength. I really need to work on that! But you get the point). 

I bought a little notebook at the Dollar Store the other day (I must have about a thousand of them now - slight obsession), and I've written down EVERYTHING; starting weight as of right now, what my weight is every week that I weigh-in, what I'm planning on rewarding myself with for every ten pounds that I lose, what my goals are for each day, foods to eat, foods to stay away from. It's a constant visual that I need. I need everything in front of my face. I need to keep on track and stay motivated. 

One major thing I've been lacking with for the last few weeks is exercise. I've used every excuse in the book lately to not exercise. Mainly the "I don't have time". Well, my girl friend wouldn't put up with that. She said "everyone has time to exercise!" She told me to get sticky notes, and write down an exercise (be it squats, wall push-ups, lunges, jumping jackes, etc), and place each sticky note somewhere in my house. Now every time I go to the bathroom I do 10 squats; when I walk past the wall by my fridge, I stop and do 15 wall push-ups; when I go in the living room I do 15 lunges per leg ... It's incredible how many times I pass these places, and how often i've been exercising! I'm not sitting down doing a 20-60 minute exercise everyday , but I'm still working out ALL day. It was probably the best advice I've gotten for exercise (Thanks, Shauna!) So, if you feel you have no time, no energy, no room ... QUIT THE EXCUSES! Do exactly what I did, and you'll be amazed at how much you've worked out in a day. Also, buy a pedometer and everyday walk more than you did the day before! People think that you need to get out and exercise (yes, we all love fresh air and sunshine), but sometimes that's not possible. 

I also asked for help via Facebook on eating tips. I really, really suck at eating healthy. Mainly because I'm picky - suuuuuper picky. But I was astounded at the number of messages I recieved from my friends telling me what they do, easy snacks they eat, and meal plans! The support I've recieved throughout this journey is incredible. It's on going. It keeps my spirit alive and keeps me on track. 

If you're on the same journey, or thinking about starting, just remember: It's NOT easy. It won't be easy. You won't look like a Supermodel in a week (seriously, who wants their ribs showing anyway?). You WILL fall off the wagon, but you'll get back on and succeed. Prove the assholes wrong. Don't have motivating friends? Get rid of them. Stay positive. Stay happy. Stay healthy. 

I believe in YOU and if there's ever anything you need, just ask. We can do it! 

-xo- 

When The Going Gets Tough ...

The tough keep going.

You know what I suck at?

Keeping up with this blog! I'm so busy all the time, that it's rare to find enough time to sit down and write. When I logged in today and saw I had 1014 views, I realized that I not only needed to keep up with it, but wanted to as well. The fact that people actually enjoy reading what I have to say, astounds me. I love that I get messages saying how I've motivated someone into getting healthier. I am far from being healthy at this point, but I'm getting there. You may think I'm motivating, but what you don't realize is that it's really YOU guys who are motivating ME.

A friend of mine posted a progress picture on facebook and I was so impressed and so amazed at her bravery. Because yes, it does take bravery. Baring it all and posting a picture on Social Media is, in my opinion, extremely brave. You never know who might make a rude comment, or try and bring you down. Her response to my comment was "Caitie thanks so much .. Not gunna lie you probably have a lot to do with this .. Seeing your stuff on Facebook etc .. I really does make a difference! So thank you :)" It really does warm my heart! (Ya, that sounded corny. Who cares!)

This journey has been incredibly stressful for me. I tend to take on way too much, and that seems to be the reason I have always failed at dieting. But this time, I'm rocking it. I'm ready for that skinny bitch inside of me to burst forth and conquer the world!

Yesterday I was at my sisters, hanging out and doing absolutely nothing, when she told me she had shirts she no longer wore and wanted me to try them on.

Oh god. No way.

I haven't fit into the same clothes as my sister for 10 years. Yes, 10 long, agonizing years. Years of watching her walk into whatever store she pleased, and purchase something off the rack that she didn't even need to try on. Whereas I had to shop at the plus size stores, spend too much time avoiding eye contact with myself in a mirror, to only find out I was about 3 or 4 sizes bigger than her. It's heartwrenching.

But here we were, sitting in her room, laughing as she's throwing shirt after shirt at me, which I'm clumsily trying to catch (I have awful hand eye coordination ... It results in a lot of injuries), only to find out that each and every shirt now fits me like a glove.

I swear the Heavens' opened and a chorus of Angels started singing"Allelujah".

Seriously. It was awesome.

I can now borrow clothes from my sister. Talk about hitting a huge milestone! All these little goals that I have been accomplishing have made me push myself even harder! Yes, we can now wear (mostly) the same size shirts. Next goal: pants. *shudder* I have a ghetto booty. Well, that's not entirely correct. My ass is ginormous. Like, it could be considered a new planet in our Solar System.

Ok, ok ... So I exaggerate a teeny bit. But that's my new goal!

So, to update and continue from my previous post, I have lost those dreaded 6lbs that I gained. WOOHOO! Now that I'm back on track, I've decided to start a 30 day challenge. I'm going to do Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, as well as exercises that my good friend (and personal trainer) wrote down for me. At the end of the 30 days, I'll post before & after pictures, as well as before & after weight and measurements. I'm telling you this so that I stay on track. I sure as hell don't want to disappoint myself by not keeping up with this challenge, but I definitely don't want to disappoint you! If you'd like to join my challenge, you can find the videos for the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels on YouTube. Post in the comments, and let me know what your goal is, and if you're up to it, you can also share your pictures, weight & measurements after the 30 days! LET'S DO THIS!

If Jillian Michaels can't help me shrink my ass, I'm shit outta luck.

Before we part, I'd like to share some more pictures with you. I was browing my incredible clogged up computer (I take WAY too many photos), I found a folder titled "Weight Loss" ... Hmm, I definitely do not remember making that. It could be one of many failed attempts. So I opened it up.

And gasped.

I stared at the picture for a good 10 minutes before it sunk in.

I have lost a lot of weight.

At one point after I had my daughter, I decided (yet again) to try and get fit! So of course, I took "before" pictures. And then fell of the wagon, never to return.

Until this year.

Both before pictures are from July 2011. The after pictures are from the begining of March of this year, and begining of May of this year.

Check it out. 

 

 

 

 

2 years. 

It took two years to get these results.

All those times I randomly decided to eat healthy, exercise, or go for a walk.

All those days where I never thought I was getting anywhere.

Here's the proof that no matter what small changes you're making to get healthy and lose weight, it DOES help. You may not see changes in a day. Maybe not even in a week or a month. But keep going! We can't expect instant results. The world just doesn't work like that.

Take a before picture NOW if you haven't already. When you're feeling down, or you feel your progress is slow, or non-existent, pull out those pictures. You'll see that everything you're doing is making a world of a difference.

Keep smiling, keep kicking ass, and never forget that I believe in YOU.

Caitie
-xo-

Falling Off The Wagon

Hey PhatChick Fans!

Sorry for being MIA. Again. Busy life - baking/decorating cakes, two kids under 2, packing, dr's appts. Jeeze!

Well, I've done it. I've fallen off the wagon. It's been about 2 weeks of pure stress, and banking roughly 3-4 hours a night. (Apparently I gave birth to night owls) As hard as it is for me to admit, I've gained 6lbs. UGH. Talk about disappointing.

When I get stressed, I eat. And eat. Literally filling my stomach past its capacity. I feel sick. Then I feel crappy and guilty.

BUT, I'm starting again. Today. From scratch.

I bought fruits, veggies, snack bars, yogurts ... So now, when I'm stressed, I'll eat that. It's hard. Being on this journey is NOT easy, no matter how many people try and tell you otherwise. There are so many ups & downs, but the important part is that you keep going. Sure, you'll fall off the wagon, but you're only a failure if you don't get back on. It's a complete lifestyle change. Whenever I started a "fad" diet, and ending up cheating and eating delicious but super bad for you foods, I'd get upset, and stop. Well, that's why I am where I am today. I never got back on the weight loss train.

Today is different. I have amazing children that I spend my days with, and who are my constant motivation. I also look in the mirror. A lot. At this point, I don't necessarily like what I see, but I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud that yes, I did cheat, but I started again. I'm proud that I've gone down 2-3 shirt sizes and a full pant size. I'm proud that people who haven't seen me in a while call me "beautiful" and "skinny" (haha!) and say how happy they are for me. I'm proud that I've stuck it out for so long. I'm proud that my family and friends are proud of ME!

If you're on a diet and feeling down, don't get discouraged. It happens to everyone. Dust yourself off, get back up, and start over. Remind yourself why you started in the first place. Remind yourself of your motivation. Tell yourself every single day that you will succeed.

You can do this, because I believe you CAN.

Stay motivated peeps, I am.

-xo-
Caitie

That Dreaded "S" Word

You know what word I hate?

Take a guess. It starts with "S".

Got it? No? Well, it's "shopping". Shopping. *shudder*

I've always hated shopping. Shopping for clothes, that is. I've never been one to just hang around a mall. I avoided them. I'd make a list, run in, grab it, and leave, like the place was about to blow up. I hated walking by every store front, with their skinny/big boobed manequins, staring at me. It was like these life-less assholes were laughing at me. I'd never be able to fit into those clothes. Ever. Talk about depressing. Of course, most of these stores carry L & XL sizes, but c'mon ... who do they think they're kidding. That shit wouldn't even go over my head. I saw a new size the other day ... 00. Really? Double Zero? WTF is that?! Ugh.

Anytime I NEEDED clothes (and I mean, desperately needed ... my pants had to have holes in them), I'd get worried. The worst is when you're in the change room with an outfit, and BAM! It doesn't fit. So you're sitting there, waiting for the lovely lady to come back with a bigger size, and then a bigger one, until you just grab something off the rack quickly that you HOPE will fit, or leave empty handed.

Well, throughout this journey so far, I kept thinking, ONE DAY I will be able to go into a store, pick something off the rack that I love, buy it, and be happy.

That day was yesterday.

I walked into Old Navy with my mom (a store that I have always admired, but haven't fit in in a very long time), who was looking for some new summer-y outfits. I see shirts. LOTS of shirts. That I love. So I decided to try them on.

Damnit. It meant going into the dreaded change room.

But I did. I was brave.

Not only was I brave, but I was freaking fabulous! Every shirt I picked up that I liked, FIT ME. YES YES YES. It fit. And it was also 2-3 sizes smaller than what I used to wear. I used to be a 2x-3x in shirts, and I bought tank tops yesterday that were a LARGE and shirts to go over-top that were X-LARGE.

The best part of it all? The look on my Moms' face.

I thought she was going to cry. Then I realized she was admiring the shirts I was wearing because we're now the same size, and she was seeing which one she wanted to borrow first.

Now, I know you're wondering what these fantabulous shirts look like. First, here are some random "before" pictures.

I used to love that blue shirt. Probably because it showed a lot of boob.

Annnnd here is a picture of my new shirts.

2-3 sizes down.

A lot more weight to lose.

But, for the first time in a long time ... I'm happy. One of my goals (as you may remember from a previous blog post) was to go shopping. I did it. I loved it. I may have a new obsession.

This journey as a ton of ups and downs, good and bad days. But all the positivity is what keeps me going. Seeing side-by-side before and after pictures, feeling the "smaller" clothes, the looks I get from people I haven't seen in a while.

I'm on a happy high right now. I'm loving life. Loving my progress. And wouldn't change a damn thing.

Happy Monday! Go be FABULOUS.

Caitie
-xo-

Sticks & Stones

"Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Will Never Hurt Me"

How many of you remember saying this as a child?

I do. I said it a lot.

Recently, I found this picture.

 

 

How true is this? Although we pretend the names don't hurt, or think we have "tough skin", the words cut deep inside of us. I can tell you that I remember every single negative thing that was ever said about me. All the names, jokes, snide remarks & comments. And I can even tell you WHO said it. While it's easy to just brush it off, it's nearly impossible to forget it.

 

Reading this brought all the memories flooding back, and even tears to my eyes. I remember faking sick quite a bit because I just didn't want to be at school anymore. I didn't want to endure any more teasing. As an adult, I can deal with it a lot better.

 

Recently, I was called "Beautiful". Yes, that was the exact word. When I heard it, I didn't know how to react. I'm not good at recieving compliments because they have been few and far between in my life. That one word gave me so much confidence, it was unreal. Hearing it lit a fire inside of me. YES, I AM BEAUTIFUL. I may not look like a Victoria Secret model (as most of us don't), but I am beautiful. We all are. It's something that we can't forget. There are a lot of times where I need to remember this. It doesn't matter if you're "fat" or thin, tall or short, what race you are, or your gender. YOU are beautiful. It's time for the world to start seeing that.

 

I saw an article today that was circulating on facebook. I was absolutely appauled and disgusted when I read it. People wonder why there are so many young (and old) men and women starving themselves. It's because of douchebags like this.

 

(take a look at the article here: http://elitedaily.com/news/world/abercrombie-fitch-ceo-explains-why-he-hates-fat-chicks/)

 

It's time to take a stand. It's time to show the world that it doesn't matter what you look like, we're all beautiful. Stand up. Be PROUD of who you are. Be confident. Be beautiful.

 

-xo-

Caitie



You Have To Be THIS Skinny To Ride This Ride

Well! It's been a few weeks. A LONG few weeks. Between cakes (baking, not eating!), Dr appts, family visits, and two crazy kids, blogging was put on the back burner. But I'm still here. Still kickin' ass.

As of right now, I haven't dropped any more pounds, although I haven't gained either! I'm down quite a few more inches, and I feel amazing. Finally getting healthy was by far the best decision I ever made.

This past week I went away to visit family - I had an amazing time! I also hit up Canada's Wonderland, with no kids! (Huge thank you to my Nan, Aunts, and Uncle, for watching the kids) I haven't been to Wonderland in YEARS. Probably 5-6 years to be exact. I was very excited about the two new roller coasters - Bohemoth & Leviathan. Little did I know, they would disappoint me.

Now, I'm the type of person that puts on a brave face, but when it comes down to that moment where bravery is needed, I cower in the corner in the fedal position. Some of these rides are ridiculous - seriously, who invents these?! Getting strapped into a swing that slowly rises up a pole and spins you around and around. I felt like I was higher than the CN tower. I wouldn't actually know how high I was, since my eyes were practically glued shut. Horrible. One of those "Why the hell am I doing this!?" moments.

When it came time for the rollercoasters, however, I felt sick. Nauseous. Shaking. Sweat dripping down my face. No bravery here. Little did I know while waiting in the line, that I had nothing to worry about.

I didn't fit in the seat.

That's right, folks. I was TOO FAT for a ride a Canada's Wonderland.

Here's what happened:

I wait in line. In agony. Not sure why I decided to ride a ride that has an almost 90degree angle drop. Finally, it's our turn. I go to the seat, noticing right away that it's not very big. Sit in. Uncomfortable. My ass clearly doesn't have enough room. I'm squished. The lap restraint doesn't lock. The worker comes over and HEAVES (I mean pushes with ALL her friggen might) on the restraint ... 5-6 times, it finally gives a tiny "click". Uh, no. I do not feel safe whatsoever, especially after her little "Uh, ya. I think it locked. Ok good, you're ready to go." NO NO NO sweetheart, I'm not. Another worker comes along, looks at it, sighs, and says "I don't think this is gonna work out..." No worries, peeps. I really didn't wanna go on it anyway. So I take the good 'ole walk-of-shame, past a ton of people who just witnessed this, to stand at the exit and wait for my family to get off the ride. Embarassing? Yes. But also funny. I actually laughed - not sure why, but I did. Here I am thinking I'm doing this amazing job with eating healthy, working out ... and Canada's Wonderland comes along with a big ass needle, and pops that bubble! But instead of it making me depressed, or have me lose faith in myself, it amplified everything. (Side note: both rollercoasters had the same seats, so I didn't even bother waiting in line again!)

I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And when I do, I'll go back to Wonderland, stand in line, fit in that seat, and ride that damned ride!

All too often, moments like these happen. It IS depressing. It's embarassing. But it's also strengthening. I love who I am. I love how far I've come. And there's no way in hell I will ever be too big to ride a ride again.

Happy Hump Day!
Go be FABULOUS.

-xo-

Motivation

Mo-ti-va-tion
Noun
The act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way.

People have been asking me a lot lately, "What's YOUR motivation?" What made me decided to do this? What's keeping me going through the cravings and pain? I'll tell you.

My number one motivation ... These two.

My children. Lily, 2; Lucas 7 weeks.

Every look, every smile, every laugh, every tantrum motivates me. It makes me realize what an amazing gift I've been given. Two beautiful, healthy children that need ME. They need ME to survive, to strive, to learn, and to grow. If I'm not taking care of myself, I can't help them do those things. They need me healthy, and they need me (relatively) fit. What happens when they want to play a game of tag? I won't be joining in. Right now, I can't run to save my life. What happens when they're in school and being teased because they have a "Fat Mom"? I need to do this for THEM.

Another motivation ...

Right now with my health, I am basically a walking heart attack. The chances of me getting Diabetes as well is very strong. I don't want that. I want to live. There are so many things in this life that I haven't done, or haven't seen. People I haven't been able to spend as much time with. I want to LIVE to see my children grow, get married, have babies of their own. If I don't start changing now, the chances are, I won't be around to see those things.

Smaller, but still significant things that motivate me ...

Shopping. I don't remember the last time I went shopping and actually ENJOYED it. Probably never. I hate that I have to go to a certain store. I want to be able to walk into ANY store and wear the clothes that I want, not that I have to. I want to be able  to wear a pair of shorts, or a bathing suit I love. That hasn't happened in years. To be honest, I don't think I've worn shorts since I was a child. I want to be able to run ... like, REALLY run. Around a track. Or on a treadmill. I want to FEEL good. I want to look in the mirror and love myself.

Well, there you have it.
That's my motivation.
What's yours?

Caitie
-xo-

No Pain, No Gain

My heart starts racing.
Sweat beads my face.
Pain.
Lots of pain.
Tightness in every muscle.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
Yes, there's definitely something not right.

And then ... Relief.

1 push-up down, 29 to go.

If there's one thing I hated more than anything, it was exercise. Why would I want to feel like I'm dying, then have the pain be 100x worse the next day, only to do it all over again?!

Only recently have I actually gotten to LIKE exercise. Yes, that's right ... I enjoy it! Never though you'd hear that, eh? I realized that I can change my eating habits, but if I'm not being active, I will never reach my goal!
Instead of spending money I don't have on a gym membership, I bought a Jillian Michaels DVD (Ripped in 30 Days), and wrote out a list of exercises I can do in a 10-15 minute period. They are: 50 squats, 50 sit-ups, 30 push-ups, 30 jumping jacks, 30 lunges. The first day I worked out in 3 years, I literally thought I was going to die, or at least pass out.

But, I survived. And I survived the day after that, until slowly it was a little bit easier each time. Now I actually look forward to the work outs. I look forward to challenging myself more (when I can make the time). I'm excited to look back and say "Hey! I can do 50 manly push-ups without stopping!" Because right now, I do the girly ones. On my knees, ankles crossed, looking ridiculous - you know, I'm not even sure they're very effective. Maybe I'm doing them wrong. Either way, I'm happy. I'm nowhere close to being fit, but I'm on my way.

Take the time to workout. Even if it's just 5 minutes, or going for a walk around the block.

"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

Happy Sweating!

Caitie
-xo-

From The Begining

I want to tell you my story, but I wasn't sure where to begin. This whole "blog" thing is new to me, as is changing my lifestyle. When I decided to start this journey, I wanted to be able to document it and share it with you. I find that there are a lot of blogs/pictures/websites/instagrams (you name it) with people giving you tips and suggestions, what you should eat to "get this amazing body", what you're doing wrong, etc., but not many of them show you their before pictures, or tell you WHY they wanted to start. I want you to take this journey with me, through the good days and the bad, the up's and down's (I'm starting to sound like a wedding vow), and see what I went through to get to my goal.

So, I'm starting at the begining.

I wasn't always "the fat one" - I was a super-cute kid, if I do say so myself. (see picture below - I'm on the left)

Looking back, everything seemed to start in Elementary School - the gaining weight, the teasing. I can't pin-point an exact day or year, but I remember that I was teased A LOT. One time I wore a blue-striped shirt with blue "wind breaker" pants, and I was called a Blue Whale. Another time, my sister and I were taking a trip to Ireland to see relatives (no parental supervision - it was a really big deal) and I said to one guy in my class: "Guess what I'm doing this summer?!", his response was "Starting Jenny Craig??" ... ya, shot through the heart.

It started to go downhill from there.
Being one of the only heavier people in the family, anything that went into my mouth was watched. "You shouldn't eat that", "Do you KNOW how much sugar is in there?", "That's going right to your hips". I knew they were just trying to help, but it's still hard to deal with the stares, the comments, the thoughts you know they're thinking when you're drinking your fourth can of coke in an hour.

Year after year I gained more and more weight. It was nobodys' fault but my own. I ate fast food, potato chips (like they were goin' out of style), and drank more pop than anyone should ever consume.

In 2008, I hit my heaviest weight. (see picture below) I tipped the scales at 320 pounds. I realized it was time for a change. I started training with a Personal Trainer - that lasted about 5 months, then I quit. It was way too much work in my opinion. Although I had lost 50lbs, it seemed like I was putting in more blood, sweat, and (a lot) of tears, and not getting to my goal fast enough. I was the type of person that wanted instant gratification. If I wasn't going to look like a supermodel in 3 months, what was the point?! I realize now what a ridiculous mind-set that was.

In 2011, I gave birth to my first child, Lily. I won't get all braggy and tell you what a beautiful, amazing, hilarious, smart, cute, incredible individual she is, but I will tell you that having her made me realize a few things.

One: I was still overweight (290lbs) and thinking about the future, I realized there was no way I'd ever be able to run around with/after her at the park, or play tag. Hell, I could barely make it up the stairs without being winded.

Two: When she goes to school, I don't want her known as the kid with the "fat mom".

Three: I'm supposed to be an example to her. What a poor example I am right now - showing her it's ok to eat crap, not eat veggies, or be a walking heart attack.

I don't want her ever having to experience the pain and heartache of being teased all the time. It changes you. It makes you hate yourself, and therefore makes you angry, and you end up taking it out on the people that you love. That is NOT the life I want for her.

But I did absolutely nothing to lose weight after I had her.

This February 2013, I gave birth to my second child, Lucas. Again, those thoughts were running through my mind. A week after I gave birth, I decided NOW is the time. NOW I will change my eating habits. NOW I will exercise.

I started by cutting out fast food, pop, chips, and junk food. In the first week I lost 15lbs! What a great start! I'm now almost 5 weeks in and I've lost 19lbs. I know it's going to be hard, but I am determined. My goal is to lose 100lbs by Lucas' first birthday (February 21st, 2014). When I decided to work out, I started doing exercises at home (jumping jacks, squats, lunges, sit-ups, push-ups) that wouldn't take me long to do. Because let's be honest, when you have children, you rarely have 5 minutes of free time. After a few days of working out, I already felt better, healthier, and more energetic. Little changes go a long way. When my mom commented on how much weight and inches I lost, I didn't believe her. She took this picture of me to prove it.

When I started I weighed 275lbs ... I'm now down to 256! It's amazing to think i'm almost 1/4 of the way to my goal already!

I'm going to share as much as my journey as I can with you. I want YOU to know that it's possible. You can do anything you set your mind to. And I have two great reasons to get healthy and stay healthy.

Keep going. It gets better.

Caitie
-xo-