Mo-ti-va-tion
Noun
The act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way.
People have been asking me a lot lately, "What's YOUR motivation?" What made me decided to do this? What's keeping me going through the cravings and pain? I'll tell you.
My number one motivation ... These two.
My children. Lily, 2; Lucas 7 weeks.
Every look, every smile, every laugh, every tantrum motivates me. It makes me realize what an amazing gift I've been given. Two beautiful, healthy children that need ME. They need ME to survive, to strive, to learn, and to grow. If I'm not taking care of myself, I can't help them do those things. They need me healthy, and they need me (relatively) fit. What happens when they want to play a game of tag? I won't be joining in. Right now, I can't run to save my life. What happens when they're in school and being teased because they have a "Fat Mom"? I need to do this for THEM.
Another motivation ...
Right now with my health, I am basically a walking heart attack. The chances of me getting Diabetes as well is very strong. I don't want that. I want to live. There are so many things in this life that I haven't done, or haven't seen. People I haven't been able to spend as much time with. I want to LIVE to see my children grow, get married, have babies of their own. If I don't start changing now, the chances are, I won't be around to see those things.
Smaller, but still significant things that motivate me ...
Shopping. I don't remember the last time I went shopping and actually ENJOYED it. Probably never. I hate that I have to go to a certain store. I want to be able to walk into ANY store and wear the clothes that I want, not that I have to. I want to be able to wear a pair of shorts, or a bathing suit I love. That hasn't happened in years. To be honest, I don't think I've worn shorts since I was a child. I want to be able to run ... like, REALLY run. Around a track. Or on a treadmill. I want to FEEL good. I want to look in the mirror and love myself.
Well, there you have it.
That's my motivation.
What's yours?
Caitie
-xo-
My heart starts racing.
Sweat beads my face.
Pain.
Lots of pain.
Tightness in every muscle.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
Yes, there's definitely something not right.
And then ... Relief.
1 push-up down, 29 to go.
If there's one thing I hated more than anything, it was exercise. Why would I want to feel like I'm dying, then have the pain be 100x worse the next day, only to do it all over again?!
Only recently have I actually gotten to LIKE exercise. Yes, that's right ... I enjoy it! Never though you'd hear that, eh? I realized that I can change my eating habits, but if I'm not being active, I will never reach my goal!
Instead of spending money I don't have on a gym membership, I bought a Jillian Michaels DVD (Ripped in 30 Days), and wrote out a list of exercises I can do in a 10-15 minute period. They are: 50 squats, 50 sit-ups, 30 push-ups, 30 jumping jacks, 30 lunges. The first day I worked out in 3 years, I literally thought I was going to die, or at least pass out.
But, I survived. And I survived the day after that, until slowly it was a little bit easier each time. Now I actually look forward to the work outs. I look forward to challenging myself more (when I can make the time). I'm excited to look back and say "Hey! I can do 50 manly push-ups without stopping!" Because right now, I do the girly ones. On my knees, ankles crossed, looking ridiculous - you know, I'm not even sure they're very effective. Maybe I'm doing them wrong. Either way, I'm happy. I'm nowhere close to being fit, but I'm on my way.
Take the time to workout. Even if it's just 5 minutes, or going for a walk around the block.
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."
Happy Sweating!
Caitie
-xo-
I want to tell you my story, but I wasn't sure where to begin. This whole "blog" thing is new to me, as is changing my lifestyle. When I decided to start this journey, I wanted to be able to document it and share it with you. I find that there are a lot of blogs/pictures/websites/instagrams (you name it) with people giving you tips and suggestions, what you should eat to "get this amazing body", what you're doing wrong, etc., but not many of them show you their before pictures, or tell you WHY they wanted to start. I want you to take this journey with me, through the good days and the bad, the up's and down's (I'm starting to sound like a wedding vow), and see what I went through to get to my goal.
So, I'm starting at the begining.
I wasn't always "the fat one" - I was a super-cute kid, if I do say so myself. (see picture below - I'm on the left)
Looking back, everything seemed to start in Elementary School - the gaining weight, the teasing. I can't pin-point an exact day or year, but I remember that I was teased A LOT. One time I wore a blue-striped shirt with blue "wind breaker" pants, and I was called a Blue Whale. Another time, my sister and I were taking a trip to Ireland to see relatives (no parental supervision - it was a really big deal) and I said to one guy in my class: "Guess what I'm doing this summer?!", his response was "Starting Jenny Craig??" ... ya, shot through the heart.
It started to go downhill from there.
Being one of the only heavier people in the family, anything that went into my mouth was watched. "You shouldn't eat that", "Do you KNOW how much sugar is in there?", "That's going right to your hips". I knew they were just trying to help, but it's still hard to deal with the stares, the comments, the thoughts you know they're thinking when you're drinking your fourth can of coke in an hour.
Year after year I gained more and more weight. It was nobodys' fault but my own. I ate fast food, potato chips (like they were goin' out of style), and drank more pop than anyone should ever consume.
In 2008, I hit my heaviest weight. (see picture below) I tipped the scales at 320 pounds. I realized it was time for a change. I started training with a Personal Trainer - that lasted about 5 months, then I quit. It was way too much work in my opinion. Although I had lost 50lbs, it seemed like I was putting in more blood, sweat, and (a lot) of tears, and not getting to my goal fast enough. I was the type of person that wanted instant gratification. If I wasn't going to look like a supermodel in 3 months, what was the point?! I realize now what a ridiculous mind-set that was.
In 2011, I gave birth to my first child, Lily. I won't get all braggy and tell you what a beautiful, amazing, hilarious, smart, cute, incredible individual she is, but I will tell you that having her made me realize a few things.
One: I was still overweight (290lbs) and thinking about the future, I realized there was no way I'd ever be able to run around with/after her at the park, or play tag. Hell, I could barely make it up the stairs without being winded.
Two: When she goes to school, I don't want her known as the kid with the "fat mom".
Three: I'm supposed to be an example to her. What a poor example I am right now - showing her it's ok to eat crap, not eat veggies, or be a walking heart attack.
I don't want her ever having to experience the pain and heartache of being teased all the time. It changes you. It makes you hate yourself, and therefore makes you angry, and you end up taking it out on the people that you love. That is NOT the life I want for her.
But I did absolutely nothing to lose weight after I had her.
This February 2013, I gave birth to my second child, Lucas. Again, those thoughts were running through my mind. A week after I gave birth, I decided NOW is the time. NOW I will change my eating habits. NOW I will exercise.
I started by cutting out fast food, pop, chips, and junk food. In the first week I lost 15lbs! What a great start! I'm now almost 5 weeks in and I've lost 19lbs. I know it's going to be hard, but I am determined. My goal is to lose 100lbs by Lucas' first birthday (February 21st, 2014). When I decided to work out, I started doing exercises at home (jumping jacks, squats, lunges, sit-ups, push-ups) that wouldn't take me long to do. Because let's be honest, when you have children, you rarely have 5 minutes of free time. After a few days of working out, I already felt better, healthier, and more energetic. Little changes go a long way. When my mom commented on how much weight and inches I lost, I didn't believe her. She took this picture of me to prove it.
When I started I weighed 275lbs ... I'm now down to 256! It's amazing to think i'm almost 1/4 of the way to my goal already!
I'm going to share as much as my journey as I can with you. I want YOU to know that it's possible. You can do anything you set your mind to. And I have two great reasons to get healthy and stay healthy.
Keep going. It gets better.
Caitie
-xo-
