Hey PhatChick Fans!
Sorry for being MIA. Again. Busy life - baking/decorating cakes, two kids under 2, packing, dr's appts. Jeeze!
Well, I've done it. I've fallen off the wagon. It's been about 2 weeks of pure stress, and banking roughly 3-4 hours a night. (Apparently I gave birth to night owls) As hard as it is for me to admit, I've gained 6lbs. UGH. Talk about disappointing.
When I get stressed, I eat. And eat. Literally filling my stomach past its capacity. I feel sick. Then I feel crappy and guilty.
BUT, I'm starting again. Today. From scratch.
I bought fruits, veggies, snack bars, yogurts ... So now, when I'm stressed, I'll eat that. It's hard. Being on this journey is NOT easy, no matter how many people try and tell you otherwise. There are so many ups & downs, but the important part is that you keep going. Sure, you'll fall off the wagon, but you're only a failure if you don't get back on. It's a complete lifestyle change. Whenever I started a "fad" diet, and ending up cheating and eating delicious but super bad for you foods, I'd get upset, and stop. Well, that's why I am where I am today. I never got back on the weight loss train.
Today is different. I have amazing children that I spend my days with, and who are my constant motivation. I also look in the mirror. A lot. At this point, I don't necessarily like what I see, but I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud that yes, I did cheat, but I started again. I'm proud that I've gone down 2-3 shirt sizes and a full pant size. I'm proud that people who haven't seen me in a while call me "beautiful" and "skinny" (haha!) and say how happy they are for me. I'm proud that I've stuck it out for so long. I'm proud that my family and friends are proud of ME!
If you're on a diet and feeling down, don't get discouraged. It happens to everyone. Dust yourself off, get back up, and start over. Remind yourself why you started in the first place. Remind yourself of your motivation. Tell yourself every single day that you will succeed.
You can do this, because I believe you CAN.
Stay motivated peeps, I am.
-xo-
Caitie
Monday 20 May 2013
Monday 13 May 2013
That Dreaded "S" Word
You know what word I hate?
Take a guess. It starts with "S".
Got it? No? Well, it's "shopping". Shopping. *shudder*
I've always hated shopping. Shopping for clothes, that is. I've never been one to just hang around a mall. I avoided them. I'd make a list, run in, grab it, and leave, like the place was about to blow up. I hated walking by every store front, with their skinny/big boobed manequins, staring at me. It was like these life-less assholes were laughing at me. I'd never be able to fit into those clothes. Ever. Talk about depressing. Of course, most of these stores carry L & XL sizes, but c'mon ... who do they think they're kidding. That shit wouldn't even go over my head. I saw a new size the other day ... 00. Really? Double Zero? WTF is that?! Ugh.
Anytime I NEEDED clothes (and I mean, desperately needed ... my pants had to have holes in them), I'd get worried. The worst is when you're in the change room with an outfit, and BAM! It doesn't fit. So you're sitting there, waiting for the lovely lady to come back with a bigger size, and then a bigger one, until you just grab something off the rack quickly that you HOPE will fit, or leave empty handed.
Well, throughout this journey so far, I kept thinking, ONE DAY I will be able to go into a store, pick something off the rack that I love, buy it, and be happy.
That day was yesterday.
I walked into Old Navy with my mom (a store that I have always admired, but haven't fit in in a very long time), who was looking for some new summer-y outfits. I see shirts. LOTS of shirts. That I love. So I decided to try them on.
Damnit. It meant going into the dreaded change room.
But I did. I was brave.
Not only was I brave, but I was freaking fabulous! Every shirt I picked up that I liked, FIT ME. YES YES YES. It fit. And it was also 2-3 sizes smaller than what I used to wear. I used to be a 2x-3x in shirts, and I bought tank tops yesterday that were a LARGE and shirts to go over-top that were X-LARGE.
The best part of it all? The look on my Moms' face.
I thought she was going to cry. Then I realized she was admiring the shirts I was wearing because we're now the same size, and she was seeing which one she wanted to borrow first.
Now, I know you're wondering what these fantabulous shirts look like. First, here are some random "before" pictures.
I used to love that blue shirt. Probably because it showed a lot of boob.
Annnnd here is a picture of my new shirts.
2-3 sizes down.
A lot more weight to lose.
But, for the first time in a long time ... I'm happy. One of my goals (as you may remember from a previous blog post) was to go shopping. I did it. I loved it. I may have a new obsession.
This journey as a ton of ups and downs, good and bad days. But all the positivity is what keeps me going. Seeing side-by-side before and after pictures, feeling the "smaller" clothes, the looks I get from people I haven't seen in a while.
I'm on a happy high right now. I'm loving life. Loving my progress. And wouldn't change a damn thing.
Happy Monday! Go be FABULOUS.
Caitie
-xo-
Take a guess. It starts with "S".
Got it? No? Well, it's "shopping". Shopping. *shudder*
I've always hated shopping. Shopping for clothes, that is. I've never been one to just hang around a mall. I avoided them. I'd make a list, run in, grab it, and leave, like the place was about to blow up. I hated walking by every store front, with their skinny/big boobed manequins, staring at me. It was like these life-less assholes were laughing at me. I'd never be able to fit into those clothes. Ever. Talk about depressing. Of course, most of these stores carry L & XL sizes, but c'mon ... who do they think they're kidding. That shit wouldn't even go over my head. I saw a new size the other day ... 00. Really? Double Zero? WTF is that?! Ugh.
Anytime I NEEDED clothes (and I mean, desperately needed ... my pants had to have holes in them), I'd get worried. The worst is when you're in the change room with an outfit, and BAM! It doesn't fit. So you're sitting there, waiting for the lovely lady to come back with a bigger size, and then a bigger one, until you just grab something off the rack quickly that you HOPE will fit, or leave empty handed.
Well, throughout this journey so far, I kept thinking, ONE DAY I will be able to go into a store, pick something off the rack that I love, buy it, and be happy.
That day was yesterday.
I walked into Old Navy with my mom (a store that I have always admired, but haven't fit in in a very long time), who was looking for some new summer-y outfits. I see shirts. LOTS of shirts. That I love. So I decided to try them on.
Damnit. It meant going into the dreaded change room.
But I did. I was brave.
Not only was I brave, but I was freaking fabulous! Every shirt I picked up that I liked, FIT ME. YES YES YES. It fit. And it was also 2-3 sizes smaller than what I used to wear. I used to be a 2x-3x in shirts, and I bought tank tops yesterday that were a LARGE and shirts to go over-top that were X-LARGE.
The best part of it all? The look on my Moms' face.
I thought she was going to cry. Then I realized she was admiring the shirts I was wearing because we're now the same size, and she was seeing which one she wanted to borrow first.
Now, I know you're wondering what these fantabulous shirts look like. First, here are some random "before" pictures.
I used to love that blue shirt. Probably because it showed a lot of boob.
Annnnd here is a picture of my new shirts.
2-3 sizes down.
A lot more weight to lose.
But, for the first time in a long time ... I'm happy. One of my goals (as you may remember from a previous blog post) was to go shopping. I did it. I loved it. I may have a new obsession.
This journey as a ton of ups and downs, good and bad days. But all the positivity is what keeps me going. Seeing side-by-side before and after pictures, feeling the "smaller" clothes, the looks I get from people I haven't seen in a while.
I'm on a happy high right now. I'm loving life. Loving my progress. And wouldn't change a damn thing.
Happy Monday! Go be FABULOUS.
Caitie
-xo-
Wednesday 8 May 2013
Sticks & Stones
"Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Will Never Hurt Me"
How many of you remember saying this as a child?
I do. I said it a lot.
Recently, I found this picture.
Recently, I was called "Beautiful". Yes, that was the exact word. When I heard it, I didn't know how to react. I'm not good at recieving compliments because they have been few and far between in my life. That one word gave me so much confidence, it was unreal. Hearing it lit a fire inside of me. YES, I AM BEAUTIFUL. I may not look like a Victoria Secret model (as most of us don't), but I am beautiful. We all are. It's something that we can't forget. There are a lot of times where I need to remember this. It doesn't matter if you're "fat" or thin, tall or short, what race you are, or your gender. YOU are beautiful. It's time for the world to start seeing that.
How many of you remember saying this as a child?
I do. I said it a lot.
Recently, I found this picture.
How true is this? Although we pretend the names don't hurt, or think we have "tough skin", the words cut deep inside of us. I can tell you that I remember every single negative thing that was ever said about me. All the names, jokes, snide remarks & comments. And I can even tell you WHO said it. While it's easy to just brush it off, it's nearly impossible to forget it.
Reading this brought all the memories flooding back, and even tears to my eyes. I remember faking sick quite a bit because I just didn't want to be at school anymore. I didn't want to endure any more teasing. As an adult, I can deal with it a lot better.
Recently, I was called "Beautiful". Yes, that was the exact word. When I heard it, I didn't know how to react. I'm not good at recieving compliments because they have been few and far between in my life. That one word gave me so much confidence, it was unreal. Hearing it lit a fire inside of me. YES, I AM BEAUTIFUL. I may not look like a Victoria Secret model (as most of us don't), but I am beautiful. We all are. It's something that we can't forget. There are a lot of times where I need to remember this. It doesn't matter if you're "fat" or thin, tall or short, what race you are, or your gender. YOU are beautiful. It's time for the world to start seeing that.
I saw an article today that was circulating on facebook. I was absolutely appauled and disgusted when I read it. People wonder why there are so many young (and old) men and women starving themselves. It's because of douchebags like this.
(take a look at the article here: http://elitedaily.com/news/world/abercrombie-fitch-ceo-explains-why-he-hates-fat-chicks/)
It's time to take a stand. It's time to show the world that it doesn't matter what you look like, we're all beautiful. Stand up. Be PROUD of who you are. Be confident. Be beautiful.
-xo-
Caitie
Wednesday 1 May 2013
You Have To Be THIS Skinny To Ride This Ride
Well! It's been a few weeks. A LONG few weeks. Between cakes (baking, not eating!), Dr appts, family visits, and two crazy kids, blogging was put on the back burner. But I'm still here. Still kickin' ass.
As of right now, I haven't dropped any more pounds, although I haven't gained either! I'm down quite a few more inches, and I feel amazing. Finally getting healthy was by far the best decision I ever made.
This past week I went away to visit family - I had an amazing time! I also hit up Canada's Wonderland, with no kids! (Huge thank you to my Nan, Aunts, and Uncle, for watching the kids) I haven't been to Wonderland in YEARS. Probably 5-6 years to be exact. I was very excited about the two new roller coasters - Bohemoth & Leviathan. Little did I know, they would disappoint me.
Now, I'm the type of person that puts on a brave face, but when it comes down to that moment where bravery is needed, I cower in the corner in the fedal position. Some of these rides are ridiculous - seriously, who invents these?! Getting strapped into a swing that slowly rises up a pole and spins you around and around. I felt like I was higher than the CN tower. I wouldn't actually know how high I was, since my eyes were practically glued shut. Horrible. One of those "Why the hell am I doing this!?" moments.
When it came time for the rollercoasters, however, I felt sick. Nauseous. Shaking. Sweat dripping down my face. No bravery here. Little did I know while waiting in the line, that I had nothing to worry about.
I didn't fit in the seat.
That's right, folks. I was TOO FAT for a ride a Canada's Wonderland.
Here's what happened:
I wait in line. In agony. Not sure why I decided to ride a ride that has an almost 90degree angle drop. Finally, it's our turn. I go to the seat, noticing right away that it's not very big. Sit in. Uncomfortable. My ass clearly doesn't have enough room. I'm squished. The lap restraint doesn't lock. The worker comes over and HEAVES (I mean pushes with ALL her friggen might) on the restraint ... 5-6 times, it finally gives a tiny "click". Uh, no. I do not feel safe whatsoever, especially after her little "Uh, ya. I think it locked. Ok good, you're ready to go." NO NO NO sweetheart, I'm not. Another worker comes along, looks at it, sighs, and says "I don't think this is gonna work out..." No worries, peeps. I really didn't wanna go on it anyway. So I take the good 'ole walk-of-shame, past a ton of people who just witnessed this, to stand at the exit and wait for my family to get off the ride. Embarassing? Yes. But also funny. I actually laughed - not sure why, but I did. Here I am thinking I'm doing this amazing job with eating healthy, working out ... and Canada's Wonderland comes along with a big ass needle, and pops that bubble! But instead of it making me depressed, or have me lose faith in myself, it amplified everything. (Side note: both rollercoasters had the same seats, so I didn't even bother waiting in line again!)
I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And when I do, I'll go back to Wonderland, stand in line, fit in that seat, and ride that damned ride!
All too often, moments like these happen. It IS depressing. It's embarassing. But it's also strengthening. I love who I am. I love how far I've come. And there's no way in hell I will ever be too big to ride a ride again.
Happy Hump Day!
Go be FABULOUS.
-xo-
As of right now, I haven't dropped any more pounds, although I haven't gained either! I'm down quite a few more inches, and I feel amazing. Finally getting healthy was by far the best decision I ever made.
This past week I went away to visit family - I had an amazing time! I also hit up Canada's Wonderland, with no kids! (Huge thank you to my Nan, Aunts, and Uncle, for watching the kids) I haven't been to Wonderland in YEARS. Probably 5-6 years to be exact. I was very excited about the two new roller coasters - Bohemoth & Leviathan. Little did I know, they would disappoint me.
Now, I'm the type of person that puts on a brave face, but when it comes down to that moment where bravery is needed, I cower in the corner in the fedal position. Some of these rides are ridiculous - seriously, who invents these?! Getting strapped into a swing that slowly rises up a pole and spins you around and around. I felt like I was higher than the CN tower. I wouldn't actually know how high I was, since my eyes were practically glued shut. Horrible. One of those "Why the hell am I doing this!?" moments.
When it came time for the rollercoasters, however, I felt sick. Nauseous. Shaking. Sweat dripping down my face. No bravery here. Little did I know while waiting in the line, that I had nothing to worry about.
I didn't fit in the seat.
That's right, folks. I was TOO FAT for a ride a Canada's Wonderland.
Here's what happened:
I wait in line. In agony. Not sure why I decided to ride a ride that has an almost 90degree angle drop. Finally, it's our turn. I go to the seat, noticing right away that it's not very big. Sit in. Uncomfortable. My ass clearly doesn't have enough room. I'm squished. The lap restraint doesn't lock. The worker comes over and HEAVES (I mean pushes with ALL her friggen might) on the restraint ... 5-6 times, it finally gives a tiny "click". Uh, no. I do not feel safe whatsoever, especially after her little "Uh, ya. I think it locked. Ok good, you're ready to go." NO NO NO sweetheart, I'm not. Another worker comes along, looks at it, sighs, and says "I don't think this is gonna work out..." No worries, peeps. I really didn't wanna go on it anyway. So I take the good 'ole walk-of-shame, past a ton of people who just witnessed this, to stand at the exit and wait for my family to get off the ride. Embarassing? Yes. But also funny. I actually laughed - not sure why, but I did. Here I am thinking I'm doing this amazing job with eating healthy, working out ... and Canada's Wonderland comes along with a big ass needle, and pops that bubble! But instead of it making me depressed, or have me lose faith in myself, it amplified everything. (Side note: both rollercoasters had the same seats, so I didn't even bother waiting in line again!)
I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And when I do, I'll go back to Wonderland, stand in line, fit in that seat, and ride that damned ride!
All too often, moments like these happen. It IS depressing. It's embarassing. But it's also strengthening. I love who I am. I love how far I've come. And there's no way in hell I will ever be too big to ride a ride again.
Happy Hump Day!
Go be FABULOUS.
-xo-
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