And in with the new!
These past few weeks I've been feeling pretty down. There's been so much happening all at once; moving into a new place, lots of cake orders, doctor appts, and my Mom had surgery. When you have no time to sit back, relax, and breathe, it's hard to stay positive. You become a Debbie Downer. Your "bad luck" flourishes. You're in a bad mood every day. It starts to affect people around you.
Well that's what happened. I turned into a Negative Nancy, and I hated it!
But I'm done with the negativity. Sometimes you need a fresh start. You need to "block and delete" the people in your life that bring you down. You need to focus on the good, and only the good ... Lift your head up and continue to be awesome!
This weight-loss journey has been hard. Hell, no one said it would be easy. Actually, there are a few people who believe that I won't do it. Who would love nothing more than to see me fail. But I won't. I've said it before; "Let your haters be your motivators." I will succeed. I will lose 100lbs by February 21st, 2014. I will rock an awesome bathing suit next summer. I will be happy, and I will never again let anyone tell me that I won't or don't deserve it. Sometimes you need an asshole to tell you that you won't do it, or don't deserve it, to truly believe that you DO!
So, from here on out, anyone that tries to bring me down or keep me away from my goal will be chucked out of my life as far as I can throw them (which, in all honesty, won't be that far - I have zero upper body strength. I really need to work on that! But you get the point).
I bought a little notebook at the Dollar Store the other day (I must have about a thousand of them now - slight obsession), and I've written down EVERYTHING; starting weight as of right now, what my weight is every week that I weigh-in, what I'm planning on rewarding myself with for every ten pounds that I lose, what my goals are for each day, foods to eat, foods to stay away from. It's a constant visual that I need. I need everything in front of my face. I need to keep on track and stay motivated.
One major thing I've been lacking with for the last few weeks is exercise. I've used every excuse in the book lately to not exercise. Mainly the "I don't have time". Well, my girl friend wouldn't put up with that. She said "everyone has time to exercise!" She told me to get sticky notes, and write down an exercise (be it squats, wall push-ups, lunges, jumping jackes, etc), and place each sticky note somewhere in my house. Now every time I go to the bathroom I do 10 squats; when I walk past the wall by my fridge, I stop and do 15 wall push-ups; when I go in the living room I do 15 lunges per leg ... It's incredible how many times I pass these places, and how often i've been exercising! I'm not sitting down doing a 20-60 minute exercise everyday , but I'm still working out ALL day. It was probably the best advice I've gotten for exercise (Thanks, Shauna!) So, if you feel you have no time, no energy, no room ... QUIT THE EXCUSES! Do exactly what I did, and you'll be amazed at how much you've worked out in a day. Also, buy a pedometer and everyday walk more than you did the day before! People think that you need to get out and exercise (yes, we all love fresh air and sunshine), but sometimes that's not possible.
I also asked for help via Facebook on eating tips. I really, really suck at eating healthy. Mainly because I'm picky - suuuuuper picky. But I was astounded at the number of messages I recieved from my friends telling me what they do, easy snacks they eat, and meal plans! The support I've recieved throughout this journey is incredible. It's on going. It keeps my spirit alive and keeps me on track.
If you're on the same journey, or thinking about starting, just remember: It's NOT easy. It won't be easy. You won't look like a Supermodel in a week (seriously, who wants their ribs showing anyway?). You WILL fall off the wagon, but you'll get back on and succeed. Prove the assholes wrong. Don't have motivating friends? Get rid of them. Stay positive. Stay happy. Stay healthy.
I believe in YOU and if there's ever anything you need, just ask. We can do it!
-xo-
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Thursday, 6 June 2013
When The Going Gets Tough ...
The tough keep going.
You know what I suck at?
Keeping up with this blog! I'm so busy all the time, that it's rare to find enough time to sit down and write. When I logged in today and saw I had 1014 views, I realized that I not only needed to keep up with it, but wanted to as well. The fact that people actually enjoy reading what I have to say, astounds me. I love that I get messages saying how I've motivated someone into getting healthier. I am far from being healthy at this point, but I'm getting there. You may think I'm motivating, but what you don't realize is that it's really YOU guys who are motivating ME.
A friend of mine posted a progress picture on facebook and I was so impressed and so amazed at her bravery. Because yes, it does take bravery. Baring it all and posting a picture on Social Media is, in my opinion, extremely brave. You never know who might make a rude comment, or try and bring you down. Her response to my comment was "Caitie thanks so much .. Not gunna lie you probably have a lot to do with this .. Seeing your stuff on Facebook etc .. I really does make a difference! So thank you
So, to update and continue from my previous post, I have lost those dreaded 6lbs that I gained. WOOHOO! Now that I'm back on track, I've decided to start a 30 day challenge. I'm going to do Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, as well as exercises that my good friend (and personal trainer) wrote down for me. At the end of the 30 days, I'll post before & after pictures, as well as before & after weight and measurements. I'm telling you this so that I stay on track. I sure as hell don't want to disappoint myself by not keeping up with this challenge, but I definitely don't want to disappoint you! If you'd like to join my challenge, you can find the videos for the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels on YouTube. Post in the comments, and let me know what your goal is, and if you're up to it, you can also share your pictures, weight & measurements after the 30 days! LET'S DO THIS!
If Jillian Michaels can't help me shrink my ass, I'm shit outta luck.
Before we part, I'd like to share some more pictures with you. I was browing my incredible clogged up computer (I take WAY too many photos), I found a folder titled "Weight Loss" ... Hmm, I definitely do not remember making that. It could be one of many failed attempts. So I opened it up.
And gasped.
I stared at the picture for a good 10 minutes before it sunk in.
I have lost a lot of weight.
At one point after I had my daughter, I decided (yet again) to try and get fit! So of course, I took "before" pictures. And then fell of the wagon, never to return.
Until this year.
Both before pictures are from July 2011. The after pictures are from the begining of March of this year, and begining of May of this year.
Check it out.
It took two years to get these results.
All those times I randomly decided to eat healthy, exercise, or go for a walk.
All those days where I never thought I was getting anywhere.
Here's the proof that no matter what small changes you're making to get healthy and lose weight, it DOES help. You may not see changes in a day. Maybe not even in a week or a month. But keep going! We can't expect instant results. The world just doesn't work like that.
Take a before picture NOW if you haven't already. When you're feeling down, or you feel your progress is slow, or non-existent, pull out those pictures. You'll see that everything you're doing is making a world of a difference.
Keep smiling, keep kicking ass, and never forget that I believe in YOU.
Caitie
-xo-
You know what I suck at?
Keeping up with this blog! I'm so busy all the time, that it's rare to find enough time to sit down and write. When I logged in today and saw I had 1014 views, I realized that I not only needed to keep up with it, but wanted to as well. The fact that people actually enjoy reading what I have to say, astounds me. I love that I get messages saying how I've motivated someone into getting healthier. I am far from being healthy at this point, but I'm getting there. You may think I'm motivating, but what you don't realize is that it's really YOU guys who are motivating ME.
A friend of mine posted a progress picture on facebook and I was so impressed and so amazed at her bravery. Because yes, it does take bravery. Baring it all and posting a picture on Social Media is, in my opinion, extremely brave. You never know who might make a rude comment, or try and bring you down. Her response to my comment was "Caitie thanks so much .. Not gunna lie you probably have a lot to do with this .. Seeing your stuff on Facebook etc .. I really does make a difference! So thank you
So, to update and continue from my previous post, I have lost those dreaded 6lbs that I gained. WOOHOO! Now that I'm back on track, I've decided to start a 30 day challenge. I'm going to do Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, as well as exercises that my good friend (and personal trainer) wrote down for me. At the end of the 30 days, I'll post before & after pictures, as well as before & after weight and measurements. I'm telling you this so that I stay on track. I sure as hell don't want to disappoint myself by not keeping up with this challenge, but I definitely don't want to disappoint you! If you'd like to join my challenge, you can find the videos for the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels on YouTube. Post in the comments, and let me know what your goal is, and if you're up to it, you can also share your pictures, weight & measurements after the 30 days! LET'S DO THIS!
If Jillian Michaels can't help me shrink my ass, I'm shit outta luck.
Before we part, I'd like to share some more pictures with you. I was browing my incredible clogged up computer (I take WAY too many photos), I found a folder titled "Weight Loss" ... Hmm, I definitely do not remember making that. It could be one of many failed attempts. So I opened it up.
And gasped.
I stared at the picture for a good 10 minutes before it sunk in.
I have lost a lot of weight.
At one point after I had my daughter, I decided (yet again) to try and get fit! So of course, I took "before" pictures. And then fell of the wagon, never to return.
Until this year.
Both before pictures are from July 2011. The after pictures are from the begining of March of this year, and begining of May of this year.
Check it out.
2 years.
It took two years to get these results.
All those times I randomly decided to eat healthy, exercise, or go for a walk.
All those days where I never thought I was getting anywhere.
Here's the proof that no matter what small changes you're making to get healthy and lose weight, it DOES help. You may not see changes in a day. Maybe not even in a week or a month. But keep going! We can't expect instant results. The world just doesn't work like that.
Take a before picture NOW if you haven't already. When you're feeling down, or you feel your progress is slow, or non-existent, pull out those pictures. You'll see that everything you're doing is making a world of a difference.
Keep smiling, keep kicking ass, and never forget that I believe in YOU.
Caitie
-xo-
Monday, 20 May 2013
Falling Off The Wagon
Hey PhatChick Fans!
Sorry for being MIA. Again. Busy life - baking/decorating cakes, two kids under 2, packing, dr's appts. Jeeze!
Well, I've done it. I've fallen off the wagon. It's been about 2 weeks of pure stress, and banking roughly 3-4 hours a night. (Apparently I gave birth to night owls) As hard as it is for me to admit, I've gained 6lbs. UGH. Talk about disappointing.
When I get stressed, I eat. And eat. Literally filling my stomach past its capacity. I feel sick. Then I feel crappy and guilty.
BUT, I'm starting again. Today. From scratch.
I bought fruits, veggies, snack bars, yogurts ... So now, when I'm stressed, I'll eat that. It's hard. Being on this journey is NOT easy, no matter how many people try and tell you otherwise. There are so many ups & downs, but the important part is that you keep going. Sure, you'll fall off the wagon, but you're only a failure if you don't get back on. It's a complete lifestyle change. Whenever I started a "fad" diet, and ending up cheating and eating delicious but super bad for you foods, I'd get upset, and stop. Well, that's why I am where I am today. I never got back on the weight loss train.
Today is different. I have amazing children that I spend my days with, and who are my constant motivation. I also look in the mirror. A lot. At this point, I don't necessarily like what I see, but I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud that yes, I did cheat, but I started again. I'm proud that I've gone down 2-3 shirt sizes and a full pant size. I'm proud that people who haven't seen me in a while call me "beautiful" and "skinny" (haha!) and say how happy they are for me. I'm proud that I've stuck it out for so long. I'm proud that my family and friends are proud of ME!
If you're on a diet and feeling down, don't get discouraged. It happens to everyone. Dust yourself off, get back up, and start over. Remind yourself why you started in the first place. Remind yourself of your motivation. Tell yourself every single day that you will succeed.
You can do this, because I believe you CAN.
Stay motivated peeps, I am.
-xo-
Caitie
Sorry for being MIA. Again. Busy life - baking/decorating cakes, two kids under 2, packing, dr's appts. Jeeze!
Well, I've done it. I've fallen off the wagon. It's been about 2 weeks of pure stress, and banking roughly 3-4 hours a night. (Apparently I gave birth to night owls) As hard as it is for me to admit, I've gained 6lbs. UGH. Talk about disappointing.
When I get stressed, I eat. And eat. Literally filling my stomach past its capacity. I feel sick. Then I feel crappy and guilty.
BUT, I'm starting again. Today. From scratch.
I bought fruits, veggies, snack bars, yogurts ... So now, when I'm stressed, I'll eat that. It's hard. Being on this journey is NOT easy, no matter how many people try and tell you otherwise. There are so many ups & downs, but the important part is that you keep going. Sure, you'll fall off the wagon, but you're only a failure if you don't get back on. It's a complete lifestyle change. Whenever I started a "fad" diet, and ending up cheating and eating delicious but super bad for you foods, I'd get upset, and stop. Well, that's why I am where I am today. I never got back on the weight loss train.
Today is different. I have amazing children that I spend my days with, and who are my constant motivation. I also look in the mirror. A lot. At this point, I don't necessarily like what I see, but I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud that yes, I did cheat, but I started again. I'm proud that I've gone down 2-3 shirt sizes and a full pant size. I'm proud that people who haven't seen me in a while call me "beautiful" and "skinny" (haha!) and say how happy they are for me. I'm proud that I've stuck it out for so long. I'm proud that my family and friends are proud of ME!
If you're on a diet and feeling down, don't get discouraged. It happens to everyone. Dust yourself off, get back up, and start over. Remind yourself why you started in the first place. Remind yourself of your motivation. Tell yourself every single day that you will succeed.
You can do this, because I believe you CAN.
Stay motivated peeps, I am.
-xo-
Caitie
Monday, 13 May 2013
That Dreaded "S" Word
You know what word I hate?
Take a guess. It starts with "S".
Got it? No? Well, it's "shopping". Shopping. *shudder*
I've always hated shopping. Shopping for clothes, that is. I've never been one to just hang around a mall. I avoided them. I'd make a list, run in, grab it, and leave, like the place was about to blow up. I hated walking by every store front, with their skinny/big boobed manequins, staring at me. It was like these life-less assholes were laughing at me. I'd never be able to fit into those clothes. Ever. Talk about depressing. Of course, most of these stores carry L & XL sizes, but c'mon ... who do they think they're kidding. That shit wouldn't even go over my head. I saw a new size the other day ... 00. Really? Double Zero? WTF is that?! Ugh.
Anytime I NEEDED clothes (and I mean, desperately needed ... my pants had to have holes in them), I'd get worried. The worst is when you're in the change room with an outfit, and BAM! It doesn't fit. So you're sitting there, waiting for the lovely lady to come back with a bigger size, and then a bigger one, until you just grab something off the rack quickly that you HOPE will fit, or leave empty handed.
Well, throughout this journey so far, I kept thinking, ONE DAY I will be able to go into a store, pick something off the rack that I love, buy it, and be happy.
That day was yesterday.
I walked into Old Navy with my mom (a store that I have always admired, but haven't fit in in a very long time), who was looking for some new summer-y outfits. I see shirts. LOTS of shirts. That I love. So I decided to try them on.
Damnit. It meant going into the dreaded change room.
But I did. I was brave.
Not only was I brave, but I was freaking fabulous! Every shirt I picked up that I liked, FIT ME. YES YES YES. It fit. And it was also 2-3 sizes smaller than what I used to wear. I used to be a 2x-3x in shirts, and I bought tank tops yesterday that were a LARGE and shirts to go over-top that were X-LARGE.
The best part of it all? The look on my Moms' face.
I thought she was going to cry. Then I realized she was admiring the shirts I was wearing because we're now the same size, and she was seeing which one she wanted to borrow first.
Now, I know you're wondering what these fantabulous shirts look like. First, here are some random "before" pictures.
I used to love that blue shirt. Probably because it showed a lot of boob.
Annnnd here is a picture of my new shirts.
2-3 sizes down.
A lot more weight to lose.
But, for the first time in a long time ... I'm happy. One of my goals (as you may remember from a previous blog post) was to go shopping. I did it. I loved it. I may have a new obsession.
This journey as a ton of ups and downs, good and bad days. But all the positivity is what keeps me going. Seeing side-by-side before and after pictures, feeling the "smaller" clothes, the looks I get from people I haven't seen in a while.
I'm on a happy high right now. I'm loving life. Loving my progress. And wouldn't change a damn thing.
Happy Monday! Go be FABULOUS.
Caitie
-xo-
Take a guess. It starts with "S".
Got it? No? Well, it's "shopping". Shopping. *shudder*
I've always hated shopping. Shopping for clothes, that is. I've never been one to just hang around a mall. I avoided them. I'd make a list, run in, grab it, and leave, like the place was about to blow up. I hated walking by every store front, with their skinny/big boobed manequins, staring at me. It was like these life-less assholes were laughing at me. I'd never be able to fit into those clothes. Ever. Talk about depressing. Of course, most of these stores carry L & XL sizes, but c'mon ... who do they think they're kidding. That shit wouldn't even go over my head. I saw a new size the other day ... 00. Really? Double Zero? WTF is that?! Ugh.
Anytime I NEEDED clothes (and I mean, desperately needed ... my pants had to have holes in them), I'd get worried. The worst is when you're in the change room with an outfit, and BAM! It doesn't fit. So you're sitting there, waiting for the lovely lady to come back with a bigger size, and then a bigger one, until you just grab something off the rack quickly that you HOPE will fit, or leave empty handed.
Well, throughout this journey so far, I kept thinking, ONE DAY I will be able to go into a store, pick something off the rack that I love, buy it, and be happy.
That day was yesterday.
I walked into Old Navy with my mom (a store that I have always admired, but haven't fit in in a very long time), who was looking for some new summer-y outfits. I see shirts. LOTS of shirts. That I love. So I decided to try them on.
Damnit. It meant going into the dreaded change room.
But I did. I was brave.
Not only was I brave, but I was freaking fabulous! Every shirt I picked up that I liked, FIT ME. YES YES YES. It fit. And it was also 2-3 sizes smaller than what I used to wear. I used to be a 2x-3x in shirts, and I bought tank tops yesterday that were a LARGE and shirts to go over-top that were X-LARGE.
The best part of it all? The look on my Moms' face.
I thought she was going to cry. Then I realized she was admiring the shirts I was wearing because we're now the same size, and she was seeing which one she wanted to borrow first.
Now, I know you're wondering what these fantabulous shirts look like. First, here are some random "before" pictures.
I used to love that blue shirt. Probably because it showed a lot of boob.
Annnnd here is a picture of my new shirts.
2-3 sizes down.
A lot more weight to lose.
But, for the first time in a long time ... I'm happy. One of my goals (as you may remember from a previous blog post) was to go shopping. I did it. I loved it. I may have a new obsession.
This journey as a ton of ups and downs, good and bad days. But all the positivity is what keeps me going. Seeing side-by-side before and after pictures, feeling the "smaller" clothes, the looks I get from people I haven't seen in a while.
I'm on a happy high right now. I'm loving life. Loving my progress. And wouldn't change a damn thing.
Happy Monday! Go be FABULOUS.
Caitie
-xo-
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Sticks & Stones
"Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Will Never Hurt Me"
How many of you remember saying this as a child?
I do. I said it a lot.
Recently, I found this picture.
Recently, I was called "Beautiful". Yes, that was the exact word. When I heard it, I didn't know how to react. I'm not good at recieving compliments because they have been few and far between in my life. That one word gave me so much confidence, it was unreal. Hearing it lit a fire inside of me. YES, I AM BEAUTIFUL. I may not look like a Victoria Secret model (as most of us don't), but I am beautiful. We all are. It's something that we can't forget. There are a lot of times where I need to remember this. It doesn't matter if you're "fat" or thin, tall or short, what race you are, or your gender. YOU are beautiful. It's time for the world to start seeing that.
How many of you remember saying this as a child?
I do. I said it a lot.
Recently, I found this picture.
How true is this? Although we pretend the names don't hurt, or think we have "tough skin", the words cut deep inside of us. I can tell you that I remember every single negative thing that was ever said about me. All the names, jokes, snide remarks & comments. And I can even tell you WHO said it. While it's easy to just brush it off, it's nearly impossible to forget it.
Reading this brought all the memories flooding back, and even tears to my eyes. I remember faking sick quite a bit because I just didn't want to be at school anymore. I didn't want to endure any more teasing. As an adult, I can deal with it a lot better.
Recently, I was called "Beautiful". Yes, that was the exact word. When I heard it, I didn't know how to react. I'm not good at recieving compliments because they have been few and far between in my life. That one word gave me so much confidence, it was unreal. Hearing it lit a fire inside of me. YES, I AM BEAUTIFUL. I may not look like a Victoria Secret model (as most of us don't), but I am beautiful. We all are. It's something that we can't forget. There are a lot of times where I need to remember this. It doesn't matter if you're "fat" or thin, tall or short, what race you are, or your gender. YOU are beautiful. It's time for the world to start seeing that.
I saw an article today that was circulating on facebook. I was absolutely appauled and disgusted when I read it. People wonder why there are so many young (and old) men and women starving themselves. It's because of douchebags like this.
(take a look at the article here: http://elitedaily.com/news/world/abercrombie-fitch-ceo-explains-why-he-hates-fat-chicks/)
It's time to take a stand. It's time to show the world that it doesn't matter what you look like, we're all beautiful. Stand up. Be PROUD of who you are. Be confident. Be beautiful.
-xo-
Caitie
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
You Have To Be THIS Skinny To Ride This Ride
Well! It's been a few weeks. A LONG few weeks. Between cakes (baking, not eating!), Dr appts, family visits, and two crazy kids, blogging was put on the back burner. But I'm still here. Still kickin' ass.
As of right now, I haven't dropped any more pounds, although I haven't gained either! I'm down quite a few more inches, and I feel amazing. Finally getting healthy was by far the best decision I ever made.
This past week I went away to visit family - I had an amazing time! I also hit up Canada's Wonderland, with no kids! (Huge thank you to my Nan, Aunts, and Uncle, for watching the kids) I haven't been to Wonderland in YEARS. Probably 5-6 years to be exact. I was very excited about the two new roller coasters - Bohemoth & Leviathan. Little did I know, they would disappoint me.
Now, I'm the type of person that puts on a brave face, but when it comes down to that moment where bravery is needed, I cower in the corner in the fedal position. Some of these rides are ridiculous - seriously, who invents these?! Getting strapped into a swing that slowly rises up a pole and spins you around and around. I felt like I was higher than the CN tower. I wouldn't actually know how high I was, since my eyes were practically glued shut. Horrible. One of those "Why the hell am I doing this!?" moments.
When it came time for the rollercoasters, however, I felt sick. Nauseous. Shaking. Sweat dripping down my face. No bravery here. Little did I know while waiting in the line, that I had nothing to worry about.
I didn't fit in the seat.
That's right, folks. I was TOO FAT for a ride a Canada's Wonderland.
Here's what happened:
I wait in line. In agony. Not sure why I decided to ride a ride that has an almost 90degree angle drop. Finally, it's our turn. I go to the seat, noticing right away that it's not very big. Sit in. Uncomfortable. My ass clearly doesn't have enough room. I'm squished. The lap restraint doesn't lock. The worker comes over and HEAVES (I mean pushes with ALL her friggen might) on the restraint ... 5-6 times, it finally gives a tiny "click". Uh, no. I do not feel safe whatsoever, especially after her little "Uh, ya. I think it locked. Ok good, you're ready to go." NO NO NO sweetheart, I'm not. Another worker comes along, looks at it, sighs, and says "I don't think this is gonna work out..." No worries, peeps. I really didn't wanna go on it anyway. So I take the good 'ole walk-of-shame, past a ton of people who just witnessed this, to stand at the exit and wait for my family to get off the ride. Embarassing? Yes. But also funny. I actually laughed - not sure why, but I did. Here I am thinking I'm doing this amazing job with eating healthy, working out ... and Canada's Wonderland comes along with a big ass needle, and pops that bubble! But instead of it making me depressed, or have me lose faith in myself, it amplified everything. (Side note: both rollercoasters had the same seats, so I didn't even bother waiting in line again!)
I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And when I do, I'll go back to Wonderland, stand in line, fit in that seat, and ride that damned ride!
All too often, moments like these happen. It IS depressing. It's embarassing. But it's also strengthening. I love who I am. I love how far I've come. And there's no way in hell I will ever be too big to ride a ride again.
Happy Hump Day!
Go be FABULOUS.
-xo-
As of right now, I haven't dropped any more pounds, although I haven't gained either! I'm down quite a few more inches, and I feel amazing. Finally getting healthy was by far the best decision I ever made.
This past week I went away to visit family - I had an amazing time! I also hit up Canada's Wonderland, with no kids! (Huge thank you to my Nan, Aunts, and Uncle, for watching the kids) I haven't been to Wonderland in YEARS. Probably 5-6 years to be exact. I was very excited about the two new roller coasters - Bohemoth & Leviathan. Little did I know, they would disappoint me.
Now, I'm the type of person that puts on a brave face, but when it comes down to that moment where bravery is needed, I cower in the corner in the fedal position. Some of these rides are ridiculous - seriously, who invents these?! Getting strapped into a swing that slowly rises up a pole and spins you around and around. I felt like I was higher than the CN tower. I wouldn't actually know how high I was, since my eyes were practically glued shut. Horrible. One of those "Why the hell am I doing this!?" moments.
When it came time for the rollercoasters, however, I felt sick. Nauseous. Shaking. Sweat dripping down my face. No bravery here. Little did I know while waiting in the line, that I had nothing to worry about.
I didn't fit in the seat.
That's right, folks. I was TOO FAT for a ride a Canada's Wonderland.
Here's what happened:
I wait in line. In agony. Not sure why I decided to ride a ride that has an almost 90degree angle drop. Finally, it's our turn. I go to the seat, noticing right away that it's not very big. Sit in. Uncomfortable. My ass clearly doesn't have enough room. I'm squished. The lap restraint doesn't lock. The worker comes over and HEAVES (I mean pushes with ALL her friggen might) on the restraint ... 5-6 times, it finally gives a tiny "click". Uh, no. I do not feel safe whatsoever, especially after her little "Uh, ya. I think it locked. Ok good, you're ready to go." NO NO NO sweetheart, I'm not. Another worker comes along, looks at it, sighs, and says "I don't think this is gonna work out..." No worries, peeps. I really didn't wanna go on it anyway. So I take the good 'ole walk-of-shame, past a ton of people who just witnessed this, to stand at the exit and wait for my family to get off the ride. Embarassing? Yes. But also funny. I actually laughed - not sure why, but I did. Here I am thinking I'm doing this amazing job with eating healthy, working out ... and Canada's Wonderland comes along with a big ass needle, and pops that bubble! But instead of it making me depressed, or have me lose faith in myself, it amplified everything. (Side note: both rollercoasters had the same seats, so I didn't even bother waiting in line again!)
I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And when I do, I'll go back to Wonderland, stand in line, fit in that seat, and ride that damned ride!
All too often, moments like these happen. It IS depressing. It's embarassing. But it's also strengthening. I love who I am. I love how far I've come. And there's no way in hell I will ever be too big to ride a ride again.
Happy Hump Day!
Go be FABULOUS.
-xo-
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Motivation
Mo-ti-va-tion
Noun
The act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way.
People have been asking me a lot lately, "What's YOUR motivation?" What made me decided to do this? What's keeping me going through the cravings and pain? I'll tell you.
My number one motivation ... These two.
My children. Lily, 2; Lucas 7 weeks.
Every look, every smile, every laugh, every tantrum motivates me. It makes me realize what an amazing gift I've been given. Two beautiful, healthy children that need ME. They need ME to survive, to strive, to learn, and to grow. If I'm not taking care of myself, I can't help them do those things. They need me healthy, and they need me (relatively) fit. What happens when they want to play a game of tag? I won't be joining in. Right now, I can't run to save my life. What happens when they're in school and being teased because they have a "Fat Mom"? I need to do this for THEM.
Another motivation ...
Right now with my health, I am basically a walking heart attack. The chances of me getting Diabetes as well is very strong. I don't want that. I want to live. There are so many things in this life that I haven't done, or haven't seen. People I haven't been able to spend as much time with. I want to LIVE to see my children grow, get married, have babies of their own. If I don't start changing now, the chances are, I won't be around to see those things.
Smaller, but still significant things that motivate me ...
Shopping. I don't remember the last time I went shopping and actually ENJOYED it. Probably never. I hate that I have to go to a certain store. I want to be able to walk into ANY store and wear the clothes that I want, not that I have to. I want to be able to wear a pair of shorts, or a bathing suit I love. That hasn't happened in years. To be honest, I don't think I've worn shorts since I was a child. I want to be able to run ... like, REALLY run. Around a track. Or on a treadmill. I want to FEEL good. I want to look in the mirror and love myself.
Well, there you have it.
That's my motivation.
What's yours?
Caitie
-xo-
Noun
The act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way.
People have been asking me a lot lately, "What's YOUR motivation?" What made me decided to do this? What's keeping me going through the cravings and pain? I'll tell you.
My number one motivation ... These two.
My children. Lily, 2; Lucas 7 weeks.
Every look, every smile, every laugh, every tantrum motivates me. It makes me realize what an amazing gift I've been given. Two beautiful, healthy children that need ME. They need ME to survive, to strive, to learn, and to grow. If I'm not taking care of myself, I can't help them do those things. They need me healthy, and they need me (relatively) fit. What happens when they want to play a game of tag? I won't be joining in. Right now, I can't run to save my life. What happens when they're in school and being teased because they have a "Fat Mom"? I need to do this for THEM.
Another motivation ...
Right now with my health, I am basically a walking heart attack. The chances of me getting Diabetes as well is very strong. I don't want that. I want to live. There are so many things in this life that I haven't done, or haven't seen. People I haven't been able to spend as much time with. I want to LIVE to see my children grow, get married, have babies of their own. If I don't start changing now, the chances are, I won't be around to see those things.
Smaller, but still significant things that motivate me ...
Shopping. I don't remember the last time I went shopping and actually ENJOYED it. Probably never. I hate that I have to go to a certain store. I want to be able to walk into ANY store and wear the clothes that I want, not that I have to. I want to be able to wear a pair of shorts, or a bathing suit I love. That hasn't happened in years. To be honest, I don't think I've worn shorts since I was a child. I want to be able to run ... like, REALLY run. Around a track. Or on a treadmill. I want to FEEL good. I want to look in the mirror and love myself.
Well, there you have it.
That's my motivation.
What's yours?
Caitie
-xo-
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